I don't know if I'm really ready for this, but saying it publicly might actually make it a reality. It's something I think I really need to do for myself.
I think I have to stop reading the obituary column.
I don't want to. I love obituaries! I check them daily, wether I stumble across a newspaper at work or I look them up on-line (so sad, I know), I check them each and every single day the sun rises and sets. I've been in this practice for years, it started in high school when I first began working with the elderly. I started checking them before I went to work so that it wouldn't be such a shock when I got there and someone was missing. That's such a horrible feeling, walking into someone's room to see the bed made and everything cleaned out. I started checking the obits to avoid moments like that. It's a habit that has carried on with me from job to job, year to year. I know a lot of old people and inevitably some of them, and some day all of them, are going to die. I like to be in the know. If simply knowing when a friend passes away was all reading the obituary column was doing for me I would be fine, but it's not.... there's side affects, and they're getting worse.
I find myself reading the columns, putting myself in the shoes of their loved ones. If there's a small child who's died unexpectedly, I can't help but picture myself one day being a mother and having to go through that agony. I read about fathers who have a wife and young kids at home and start thinking what on this earth I would possibly do in that situation. I read about little old ladies who pass away, leaving their husband of 60 years to grieve their death. I put myself into each and every column and find myself sick to my stomach, thinking horrible things about losing the people I love the most. I know! You don't have to tell me, it's horrible! I try to stop, to just read them for information's sake, but I can't. I get so involved and half expect to receive a phone call at work saying my husband, mother, best girlfriend, and granny have all been killed in some freak accident! Seriously, it's getting me down.
I really like to know when my elderly friends have passed away, to feel that closure and relief for them but I don't know if that is worth it for the other emotions I have to deal with too. I haven't quite yet decided for sure but I think I have to stop. I think it's over.
Wow michelle, you are E.M.O!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should petition the paper to split the Obits into two seperate parts. The depressing and non-depressing obits. The non-depressing obits would be the people that have died after a long a fruitful life, leaving behind a strong legacy of family members that will always treasure them. THe kind that when you read you think "They lived a good life" And the ones that make you sick to your stomach could be put in the depressing section. That way you could still get your fix, but it wouldn't slowly make you a crazy crazy person.
ReplyDeleteWow Laura, what a thought.... you're really not helping! I agree with Jace, they should have a column for like 70+ and another column for anything younger than that. If they separate the 2 I can just stick to the elderly announcements... what an idea!
ReplyDeleteHi, Kid,
ReplyDeleteJust so you are aware--Granny, Sharlee and I are not planning any
trips together in the near future, so you can stop worrying about the three of us for a while. We'll
let you know when our plans are finalized for a trip across Canada and then you can start your worrying--and you can also start
feeling sorry for yourself that we didn't invite you!!
Love, Mom
Ok I think what I'm going to do is just force myself to read only the names of the announcements, if there's someone I know I'll read the column, if not I'll just put it down and walk away. That way I can still be aware of my friend's deaths, and get away without having to read each column. We'll see if that helps.
ReplyDelete