August 28, 2006

I'm not so sure

I started blogging a few short months ago, eager to share the things that go on in my life. I started blogging as a way to keep in touch with friends (hi C & K!) and family and for a fun way to express my feelings about the days goings on. Of course I realized that blogging on-line meant that people I do not know (I have 214 visits to date, and do I really know that many people that blog?!) would also have access to my thoughts and feelings. It wasn't until a few days ago that I realized that there are people out there with lives lacking social activities that perhaps frequent my blog. It's people that read blogs simply for snoopiness sake that really turn me off. Once I had this epiphany blogging took on a whole new light. I began feeling violated and vulnerable, even though I understand I am writing of my own free will and have done this to myself. I wrestled inside- do I continue to write regardless of the pathetic weirdos that are reading this because they are snoops and can't help themselves, and what do I care if they want to read my blog, I'm putting it out there, why am I taking it so seriously? Or do I stop writing and keep these things to myself and those I really care about and can share with in person? I haven't yet decided and therefore have my blog on a pause of some sort until I do.

August 20, 2006

oh ya.... camping!

It was 2 weeks ago and I still haven't mentioned anything about our camping trip! We went down to Glacier National Park and camped at Fish Creek Campground, just one of the many beautiful campgrounds in that area. Our campspot was perfect, full of trees and really quite private. The campgrounds are along the side of Lake MacDonald which is settled right down in the mountains. We went swimming a few times and loved the breathtaking scenery, and it really wasn't that cold! We enjoyed the amphitheatre program that was put on each night and learned a few things about moose, the history of the Park and the Going to the Sun Road. At one of the little shops we purchased a book called "Speaking Ill of the Dead: Jerks in Montana's History" and read a chapter or two each night by the campfire. What a fun book! We did a few short hikes and took in as much of the area as we could. We saw bears, mountain goats and sheep, hummingbirds, lots of Wesley-type things, the cutest fuzzy yellow caterpillars, and the neatest spider web I have ever seen. I have never been down that way before and had no idea what I was missing, it really was something else. It was a relaxing and very fun 4 days. Neil and I were hoping to find a spot to call our own and begin years of camping trips and we both agreed that we found that in Fish Creek. Here are a few highlights from the trip. We can't wait to go back!

This is my favorite picture from the trip- the reflection of my shorts in the window makes it look like this bear is wearing pants! Hahaa!

August 15, 2006

RIP 1999-2006

I don't know if I'm really ready for this, but saying it publicly might actually make it a reality. It's something I think I really need to do for myself.

I think I have to stop reading the obituary column.

I don't want to. I love obituaries! I check them daily, wether I stumble across a newspaper at work or I look them up on-line (so sad, I know), I check them each and every single day the sun rises and sets. I've been in this practice for years, it started in high school when I first began working with the elderly. I started checking them before I went to work so that it wouldn't be such a shock when I got there and someone was missing. That's such a horrible feeling, walking into someone's room to see the bed made and everything cleaned out. I started checking the obits to avoid moments like that. It's a habit that has carried on with me from job to job, year to year. I know a lot of old people and inevitably some of them, and some day all of them, are going to die. I like to be in the know. If simply knowing when a friend passes away was all reading the obituary column was doing for me I would be fine, but it's not.... there's side affects, and they're getting worse.

I find myself reading the columns, putting myself in the shoes of their loved ones. If there's a small child who's died unexpectedly, I can't help but picture myself one day being a mother and having to go through that agony. I read about fathers who have a wife and young kids at home and start thinking what on this earth I would possibly do in that situation. I read about little old ladies who pass away, leaving their husband of 60 years to grieve their death. I put myself into each and every column and find myself sick to my stomach, thinking horrible things about losing the people I love the most. I know! You don't have to tell me, it's horrible! I try to stop, to just read them for information's sake, but I can't. I get so involved and half expect to receive a phone call at work saying my husband, mother, best girlfriend, and granny have all been killed in some freak accident! Seriously, it's getting me down.

I really like to know when my elderly friends have passed away, to feel that closure and relief for them but I don't know if that is worth it for the other emotions I have to deal with too. I haven't quite yet decided for sure but I think I have to stop. I think it's over.

August 9, 2006

A Survey to the Public

I am conducting a survey of sorts and am interested in receiving a response. For me the answer is clear but I would like to hear what the general public has to say. Remove yourself from the situation and let me know where you stand.

Which is the greater offense?:

Person A
Unknowingly and regrettably runs a red light, and upon realizing what has happened slams on the breaks albeit nearly smashing into another vehicle going through their green light. Thanks to great breaks, a little swerving and a small miracle there was no harm done. Feeling very shaken and rattled Person A carefully drives on with a lesson learned.

Person B
Witness to said incident, follows Person A until they stop at their next destination and as they exit the vehicle start screaming at them saying, "that light was so (expletive) red" and "that was the worst (expletive) driving I have ever seen" and "you are going to (expletive) kill someone" and "I've got two (expletive) witnesses right here (pointing to two children in the back seat, neither older than 10, and I'm sure their ears just burning at hearing such language, not to mention being referred to as (expletive)). Upon questioning, Person B then refuses to admit that they have ever made a mistake driving, whether it be running a red light, not stopping at a stop sign, or speeding a little.... anything. Nope! Many more expletives were thrown at Person A and when Person B apprently decided they had said enough screeched off out of the parking lot with a middle finger waving out of the window.

Again I pose the question to you ladies and gentlemen, who has committed the greater offense?

August 2, 2006

"all growed up"

Well I've done it, I've grown up. Tomorrow I set off on my first camping trip without my parents, and with my husband. In my growing up years camping has always been a family affair, with really my mom and dad taking care of everything! Not that I didn't appreciate what preparing for camping entailed, I just never did it all. Of course I helped pack up the truck and always the boat, but besides packing my own bag with shorts, T shirts, swimming gear and a few Teen magazines, the rest was left up to my parents. But today... today I had to plan meals, pack first-aid, gather pots and washing bowls, towels and garbage bags, pack tents and matresses, fill propane tanks and get out extra cash. I'm excited to go camping, it's something I've always loved. I'm excited to be grown up too, doing things I've seen my parents do. It's a funny thing that growing up.